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Staying Curious Keeps Me Going

Staying Curious Keeps Me Going

A friend asked “What are your plans for this coming month?” I explained that I no longer make plans.

When I was younger and I needed to make sense of the big world, I carefully made and executed plans. This was my way of announcing to the world, “I am here. I’m no longer a kid. I can take care of myself.”

It was also a factor of my economic condition. I needed to acquire and provide the basics for myself. I needed to be self sufficient, to not want and to not lack. I needed to be safe and have a sense of security.

Planning meant that I understood what was important in life. I knew how to strategize, to execute, to make a task list, to take decisions, to choose wisely, to prioritize, to sacrifice, to delay gratification, to stick to a plan, to assess risks and to be smart enough to have a Plan B.

Back then, I needed to control everything around me and be more than I was. I had to be the smartest, the most prepared and I needed to win.

Over the years, as life unfolded, I have accepted that I am not here to make sense of the world, but to experience it. I have seen how “controlling” the world keeps me marching along a path, without ever stopping to notice the glory that exists on either side of the path.

I know that my notion of control is a false belief that keeps me in a small box, mitigating risk and protecting myself. It manifests itself in the rules, the must-haves and in the judgements.

In the past, I was limited by what I know, by what I learnt, by my fears of not having enough, by my concerns of failure and by the sum total of my experiences. I dreamt in uni-color of what I had predetermined, so my imagination could not take flight. Consequently, my plans were myopic, mundane, uncreative and limited.

Now that I don’t plan I see beyond the immediate and obvious and am free to enter the realm of the impossible.

The things that I want, are so important to me that I refuse to plan for them. Planning is an old and obsolete tool, that no longer serves me. It is limiting, for me.

I want what I want on a grander scale than I can imagine. I want to open my desires to the wonder of the improbable and impossible. I want to embrace them with fascination when they emerge and remain curious about how they will appear.

I don’t know what I don’t know. I am a human being and limited in my thoughts. I focus on what I want, surrender my desires to a higher power and wait for the magic of the universe to serve them up on a platter of its choice.